Thought i'll post a pre-christmas posting....
It's christmas season again....the sales are here....the crowds are gathering....town's congested with people and traffic...queues for wrapping presents....and of course appointments prior to christmas....
I do not usually celebrate christmas....hence as a kid....stockings and santa don't excite me, neither do i feel the atmosphere or any significance....
but as i grow older....have learnt to appreciate certain things...vaguely remember the first time i actually felt the festive mood....among the crowds and decorations at orchard road...perhaps because of my height at that age, my scope of view was limited to the lightings of the decorations above and the people around me....hence from memories....the lightings were mesmerising, even stunning at times ....people were wearing smiles on their faces...couple arms locked, together...enjoying their moments together, oblivious of the crowd....cameras capturing the atmosphere and the beautiful sights....parents holding their childen's hands....or skipping around...light sticks in their hands....as if exploring a theme park....sales girls in red suits and white boots selling santa hats and light sticks....and spotting red hats every few mins....those moments were like precious photographs stored in memory.....but
as time passed....those color photographs seemed to fade to blank and white....christmas became merely congested crowds....queues....traffic....as i walked the paths that i may have walked many yrs back....ahead of my sight were a sea of blobbling heads...the heat and the noise.....hence...subsequent years became silent Christmas in the peace of my own home....
till years passed....friends, peers and familes, become part of your life....and surprisingly simple christmas cards and gifts, brings about the tinge of excitment, happiness and warmth....the season becomes precious days of sharing, giving and receiving love and happiness....crowds, noise heat doesn't seemed to matter anymore...you felt the joy....what matters was how you spent and share with the person or persons beside you...it's the presence of someone or all those beside you and the time spent together that's precious....they were people who were with you somewhere throughout our life....hence the gift....of being remembered....of having spent precious time together....it's something that cannot be put into words....
even the opportunities to be in the midst of or witness such sights in town...the crowds and decorations....are in itself, valuable....even my japanese teacher commented that spending Christmas in japan....was mostly quiet nights at home or eating cakes at most....while in Singapore, she can feel the happiness of the festive season and see the beautiful lightings in town....not everyone has the oppotunity to do so....
so to everyone.....
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
and thanks for all the cards, gift and love.....
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Sunday, December 19, 2004
youth.....
(extracted from a movie, which i vaguely remember)
Youth is like a cube of sugar,
sometimes the edges can be rough,
and bits fall off,
only when we are near we can taste the sweetness,
and only surrounded with warmth it will melt.
When we look back at our youth, we laugh at its absurbdity,
and we smile, for we have tasted its sweetness....
Youth is like a cube of sugar,
sometimes the edges can be rough,
and bits fall off,
only when we are near we can taste the sweetness,
and only surrounded with warmth it will melt.
When we look back at our youth, we laugh at its absurbdity,
and we smile, for we have tasted its sweetness....
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
desires vs angst....
Was wondering what "drives"(key motivators of) accomplishments...was it desires or angst(or anger)... out of positive attitudes or negative ones like anger... would the results be of any difference?...
Adults comment that young adults today do not possess the "anger" that they used to generations ago...cos of the growing affluence...where we worry more of what shoes to buy than in the era where you see young girls, no better than slaves in garment factories, virtually sold their lives, for a few meagre pennies and to die with tuberculosis or end up blind cos of the working conditions....so we see, people used to retaliate because of the environment, many things they saw were just not morally right( eg. the corrupt government, the police officers who were no more than "dogs" of the gov. , slavery, whatever situations that cannot justify appropriate human conditions...u name it...)...hence it was these conditions that stirred up humans' emotions to retaliate...to accomplish smthng...to fight for one's right to a better living..now that we do not see these does it meant that we no longer possess the "anger" within to accomplish smthing?
I always felt that human emotions evolve just like technology....they get more sophisticated as years past...that bring about more complex layers that need time to comprehend....like in the previous era where "anger" was stirred from a more basic need for rights and better living conditions...but in this era does "anger" no longer exist?...i beg to differ....i think we have evolved out of the first phase where we fight against the environment...now we fight not just against our environment but people as well...that's when it gets more sophisticated...but ridiculously the purpose which stirred up our emotions and our "anger" are in my opinion getting so superficial...as in...something that we hope to achieve...is possibly resulted...eg. because we feel a need to be wealthier than someone else...to be more successful "materially"...so that we will not be mocked at or feel discouraged in this league where " who owns more, wins" we may laugh...but aren't many of us guilty of such thoughts?
Thus,makes me wonder whether accomplishments from this human vs human competition results differently from one's desires,...passion....longing for smthing, for the purpose of fulfilling oneself....one being motivated frm the external competition while the other motivated from within, does external or internal makes much difference?
Cn't believe i actually wrote such a long post...anyway was partly inspired after i watched America's top model....shandi and yoanna....especially shandi...who does not have the natural born model look to start...neither extremely beautiful...and like many of us commoners taking commoners salary from a mart or mall....cld have imagined the accomplisments that were beyond predictions...eg. in shandi's case...she got 8 agencies which contacted her after the show...that's a "wow!" if you were in a modelling industry....was happy for yoanna as well...didn't know she used to be a baby-sitter....she has that classic model look which i really like...gd luck to them and everyone else....hope you have the "nothing to lose" attitude....applies to me as well....give yourself a chance...u have nothing to lose...why not try it...even if you look like a clown...what have you to lose? we take a commoner's salary..we don't "bet" much...so wat have we to lose? and beyond our imagination...who knows that the chances we take are the very paths that open our future? what have we to lose?
ps...pardon my bad grammer and stuff...and who says i don't use the dictionary?...and i think i invented some words too... haha....
Adults comment that young adults today do not possess the "anger" that they used to generations ago...cos of the growing affluence...where we worry more of what shoes to buy than in the era where you see young girls, no better than slaves in garment factories, virtually sold their lives, for a few meagre pennies and to die with tuberculosis or end up blind cos of the working conditions....so we see, people used to retaliate because of the environment, many things they saw were just not morally right( eg. the corrupt government, the police officers who were no more than "dogs" of the gov. , slavery, whatever situations that cannot justify appropriate human conditions...u name it...)...hence it was these conditions that stirred up humans' emotions to retaliate...to accomplish smthng...to fight for one's right to a better living..now that we do not see these does it meant that we no longer possess the "anger" within to accomplish smthing?
I always felt that human emotions evolve just like technology....they get more sophisticated as years past...that bring about more complex layers that need time to comprehend....like in the previous era where "anger" was stirred from a more basic need for rights and better living conditions...but in this era does "anger" no longer exist?...i beg to differ....i think we have evolved out of the first phase where we fight against the environment...now we fight not just against our environment but people as well...that's when it gets more sophisticated...but ridiculously the purpose which stirred up our emotions and our "anger" are in my opinion getting so superficial...as in...something that we hope to achieve...is possibly resulted...eg. because we feel a need to be wealthier than someone else...to be more successful "materially"...so that we will not be mocked at or feel discouraged in this league where " who owns more, wins" we may laugh...but aren't many of us guilty of such thoughts?
Thus,makes me wonder whether accomplishments from this human vs human competition results differently from one's desires,...passion....longing for smthing, for the purpose of fulfilling oneself....one being motivated frm the external competition while the other motivated from within, does external or internal makes much difference?
Cn't believe i actually wrote such a long post...anyway was partly inspired after i watched America's top model....shandi and yoanna....especially shandi...who does not have the natural born model look to start...neither extremely beautiful...and like many of us commoners taking commoners salary from a mart or mall....cld have imagined the accomplisments that were beyond predictions...eg. in shandi's case...she got 8 agencies which contacted her after the show...that's a "wow!" if you were in a modelling industry....was happy for yoanna as well...didn't know she used to be a baby-sitter....she has that classic model look which i really like...gd luck to them and everyone else....hope you have the "nothing to lose" attitude....applies to me as well....give yourself a chance...u have nothing to lose...why not try it...even if you look like a clown...what have you to lose? we take a commoner's salary..we don't "bet" much...so wat have we to lose? and beyond our imagination...who knows that the chances we take are the very paths that open our future? what have we to lose?
ps...pardon my bad grammer and stuff...and who says i don't use the dictionary?...and i think i invented some words too... haha....
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Shadows
I am by no means a good person...
neither am i good with words...there are many words i've regretted i've not said more than those i've said...or is silence really the overlooked importance?
Having walked through 18 yrs of path....
have the faded innocence...unleashed the devil?
does the environment shaped me or am i adjusted to fit?
the piled up demands outweighed the satisfaction...that as a child one was easily pacified...
with each year, added wisdom and age...were like weights added to the burden...
the shadows always felt so alluring that i wish to be within its comfort....
neither am i good with words...there are many words i've regretted i've not said more than those i've said...or is silence really the overlooked importance?
Having walked through 18 yrs of path....
have the faded innocence...unleashed the devil?
does the environment shaped me or am i adjusted to fit?
the piled up demands outweighed the satisfaction...that as a child one was easily pacified...
with each year, added wisdom and age...were like weights added to the burden...
the shadows always felt so alluring that i wish to be within its comfort....
Sunday, December 05, 2004
At the gate.....
Sun afternoon.....
wonder why i even created this thing when i juz loath the era manipulated by tech and wires? oh well...maybe am juz bored....
wonder y on Sundays...it's so peaceful u cn't even spot human activities....not a single soul on the street...only an occasional car or Mrt every few mins...when u view out the window....all in town?..... town's so stuffed tat i wonder whether i'm shopping or juz looking at the endless crowds...and what's up with all the donations?....And now u see pple collecting donations for Arts?.....Charity or beggar streets?....ok i admit we are deprived....
Juz watched the movie oldboy last night...gawd...am struck straight in the face again and the images haven't fade....it's really fascinating wat the brains can create or issit imagination+humanity+reality...oh watever....some films(sympathy for Mr vengence comes into mind) are juz like mirrors.....the light is shed...u feel the horrors....i cn't say it's my fav. film...it was not exactly easy to digest such a morally comflicting, bizaare..... film....it's the most unique film i've seen thus far other than save the green planet(i noe a crappy title but not a bad film at all)...it's cinematography....the mood and feel...awesome....
One of the quotes's really memorable...." Although i am no better than a beast, do i not have the right to live?" ....makes u think isn't it....before i watched the show...was thinking a beast deviod of humanity shldn't live....but then again...they can have traces of humanity but their actions may seem otherwise?...guilt turns to revenge to extreme violence...the director seems to justify this point...abt the conflictig moral issues which makes it hard to watch....someone commented tat dn't we all love to be blinded by the truthful realities and pretend to ignore and say...oh it's really nt right...but it's in action everywhere?....u still see young prostitutes and extreme violence....pple do not love to be reminded by such stuffs....but unfortunately it's there....thinking abt it...it does makes sense....here's a poem where th first 2 lines appeared in show:
Solitude.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you ;
Weep, and you weep alone,
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer ;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But are slow to voice your care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you ;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many ;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded ;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
a sad poem....but issit really like tat....Laugh, and the world laughs with you ; Weep, and you weep alone, .....
ok am babbling too much....
cn't believe i've actually wrote so much.... as "opening ceremony" i guess....haha
probably the rest of the days will come in blank....nt my habit to write stuffs....
signing off......
wonder why i even created this thing when i juz loath the era manipulated by tech and wires? oh well...maybe am juz bored....
wonder y on Sundays...it's so peaceful u cn't even spot human activities....not a single soul on the street...only an occasional car or Mrt every few mins...when u view out the window....all in town?..... town's so stuffed tat i wonder whether i'm shopping or juz looking at the endless crowds...and what's up with all the donations?....And now u see pple collecting donations for Arts?.....Charity or beggar streets?....ok i admit we are deprived....
Juz watched the movie oldboy last night...gawd...am struck straight in the face again and the images haven't fade....it's really fascinating wat the brains can create or issit imagination+humanity+reality...oh watever....some films(sympathy for Mr vengence comes into mind) are juz like mirrors.....the light is shed...u feel the horrors....i cn't say it's my fav. film...it was not exactly easy to digest such a morally comflicting, bizaare..... film....it's the most unique film i've seen thus far other than save the green planet(i noe a crappy title but not a bad film at all)...it's cinematography....the mood and feel...awesome....
One of the quotes's really memorable...." Although i am no better than a beast, do i not have the right to live?" ....makes u think isn't it....before i watched the show...was thinking a beast deviod of humanity shldn't live....but then again...they can have traces of humanity but their actions may seem otherwise?...guilt turns to revenge to extreme violence...the director seems to justify this point...abt the conflictig moral issues which makes it hard to watch....someone commented tat dn't we all love to be blinded by the truthful realities and pretend to ignore and say...oh it's really nt right...but it's in action everywhere?....u still see young prostitutes and extreme violence....pple do not love to be reminded by such stuffs....but unfortunately it's there....thinking abt it...it does makes sense....here's a poem where th first 2 lines appeared in show:
Solitude.
Laugh, and the world laughs with you ;
Weep, and you weep alone,
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer ;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But are slow to voice your care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you ;
Grieve, and they turn and go.
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many ;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded ;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
a sad poem....but issit really like tat....Laugh, and the world laughs with you ; Weep, and you weep alone, .....
ok am babbling too much....
cn't believe i've actually wrote so much.... as "opening ceremony" i guess....haha
probably the rest of the days will come in blank....nt my habit to write stuffs....
signing off......
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